Along with joy and happiness of birth comes fatigue and adversity. It’s important to remember that this newborn phase is temporary. Each sleepless night and tiring day are steps toward building a stronger bond with your baby.

Despite the joy, there are inevitable challenges and frustrations. The nights when your baby cries inconsolably can feel endless, and the frustration may bring you to tears. It’s important to remember these challenges are common, and seeking help from healthcare professionals or support groups can be beneficial. Here are some more common difficulties that will test your patience and resolve:

• Feeding Issues: Whether to breastfeed or bottle-feed? Ensuring your baby is well-fed can be stressful, especially when they struggle to latch or refuse the bottle.
• Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep affects your mood and energy levels, making you feel like a shadow of your former self.
• Colic: Persistent crying can be distressing for both you and your baby, leading to feelings of helplessness.
• Take care of yourself: During this first month of motherhood, try schedule a few minutes daily to have your husband or a trusted helper look after the baby so you can have some personal time just for you. Some mothers feel a loss of autonomy because all activities and attention are focused on the baby. It may take some quiet time to think through your new identity as a new mom, or now a mother of two, or three, etc. A new baby does change your identity.

Reach out for help. Here are some resource ideas:

• Family: For moms living with the baby’s father and surrounded by a functioning extended family, here are some ideas:
  • The baby’s father is living with the same challenges as you are. Ask him to take turns in helping with a crying fussing baby.
  • Reach out to your own mother or close family member.
• Friends: Female friends usually love to help and share the wonder of a new baby. Invite them to help.
• Faith Organizations: Religious congregations usually celebrate motherhood and a new baby. Reach out to them.
• Professional Help: Another great resource is your OB/GYN and/or your baby’s Pediatrician. If it is a feeding challenge, a good resource is a lactation nurse or consultant.

A support system is crucial, especially for mom during the first month or two.

Remember, Dad is a partner in caring for this new life, and his contribution to household and baby chores will make a BIG difference. Welcome help from dad, family members, and friends. For example:

• Cooking and Cleaning: Simple tasks like preparing meals or tidying up can lighten your load, allowing you to focus on your baby.
• Baby Care: It’s okay to let dad and other family members and friends show their love by accepting their help with baby care and household chores.
• Emotional Support: Having someone to talk to about your feelings and experiences is essential. Sometimes, just a listening ear can be incredibly comforting. Also, knowing you’re not alone can lift some of the weight off your shoulders.
• Dad’s Help: Greet visitors, make sure none of them are sick, and have them wash their hands before holding the baby. Keep an eye on mom to make sure she is not getting too tired. You may have to cut some of the family/friend visits a bit shorter.

Mom, Stay Connected to Dad

Amidst the focus on your newborn, it’s easy to overlook your relationship with your baby’s father. Connecting with your husband is crucial for maintaining a strong family unit. Schedule some quiet time together, even if it’s just a few minutes after the baby is asleep. If possible, eat your daily meals together, particularly dinner. Cuddle up, share your thoughts, and remind each other of your love. Communication and teamwork are key to navigating this new chapter of life together. The journey of parenthood is one you share, and nurturing your relationship strengthens the foundation of your family.

Tips for Staying Connected

1. Communicate Openly: Share your feelings and listen to your husband’s perspective. Understanding each other’s emotions fosters closeness.
2. Spend Quality Time: Find small moments to connect, like watching a movie or enjoying a quiet dinner. These moments can rekindle romance and partnership.
3. Support Each Other: Acknowledge each other’s efforts and offer encouragement. Knowing you have each other’s backs makes the journey smoother.

 “Making the decision to have a child—it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

Babies are a life changer. When your baby is born, immediately you need to relate to your spouse as both your partner and as your co-parent. You also begin to learn how you yourself parent in practice, as well as in theory. And, you have to make room for this new member of your household: your baby. He or she comes with his or her own personality, demands, and leaky plumbing. Even more intimidating, you’re learning to adjust to all these things while being sleep deprived.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to “let go of the familiar in order to make room for something unknown”1 as you learn how to relate to your baby—and to yourself and your spouse in a new way. One day, your baby may like to cuddle to sleep, and the next day your baby may need to be left alone before he or she can settle down. Don’t be afraid to try different strategies to accomplish your goals.

Dad, it’s important during these first few weeks to rock and cuddle your new babe. If you can’t sing, hum a soft lullaby. Baby likes to hear your deep voice, softly spoken. Hold your babe close so he or she can hear your heartbeat.

Don’t worry if your relationship with your spouse is a bit different at first as you begin to really make room for your child in your lives. During these first few weeks your baby is saying, “Dad, the most important thing in Mom’s life right now is me. Sorry you have to play second fiddle for a while. But that’s just the way it is.”

Pay attention to your baby’s mother. The hormonal changes that come with pregnancy and infancy are significant, especially when a woman is also recovering physically and operating on little sleep. If your spouse is suffering from the “baby blues” for more than a week or so, she may be experiencing post-partum depression and may need professional support.

Together, Dad and Mom, enjoy the wonder, power, and fulfillment of bringing a new life into the world. Remember, KinderKronicle will be with you once a month with parenting ideas and discussions.

1. Davis, Laura, and Janis Keyser. Becoming The Parent You Want To Be. New York; Broadway Books, 1997.

Copyright © 2008-2022 All Rights Reserved World Peace Parents Foundation.

The birth of a baby brings feelings of wonderment and joy to Mom and Dad. That’s true today, yesterday, and throughout millennia. Regardless of one’s belief or faith, birth is almost always celebrated as a sacred moment.

As the founders of the Begin with the Children Parenting Program, we welcome you to Parenthood—be it your first or fourth child. Over the years, we welcomed eight children and 28 grandchildren into our family. We are Kesler’s, Vibert and Marilyn.

Parenthood is both a science and an art. As a science, there are studies, research, and principles. However, feelings, emotions, viewpoints, and opinions are examples of the art elements of Parenthood. Both are needed and both are skills that can be learned.

As the developers and sponsors of the Begin with the Children Parenting Program, careful thought has been given to two important issues:

First, we believe there is an important and useful balance between generational parenting and today’s technology infused parenting, and

Second, parenting is largely a learned discipline.

We, the Kesler’s, would be remiss if we did not inform you of three generational, centuries old, bedrock parenting principles. They are:

1. Love
2. Personal Responsibility
3. Teaching Virtue and Noble Values

These three parenting principles are common to the world’s major societies including Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism—representing approximately 70% of the world’s population.

There are many generational parenting principles worthy of emphasis. These generational principles will be noted by cameo appearances primarily by the Kesler’s like the following:

The generational principle of Love is a lifelong principle.

Instilling Love is most important during the Nurturing Stage of Parenthood, namely, the prenatal months to approximately age 2-years. Love will be emphasized during the first two years of our Parenting Program.

We close this article with congratulations on the arrival of your precious baby.

Baby: Mom, Dad—you think you are overwhelmed by my coming into your life. From the perspective of being overwhelmed—you don’t know the half of it! To start, from my viewpoint everybody is big and tall.

Parent: You like to be at eye level?

Baby: Yes, I am overwhelmed at almost everything. Look at life from my perspective. I’m four months old and there’s so much more to my life than you realize. Life for me is a constant unknown adventure.

Parent: I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it sort of makes sense. It leads to a really big question in my mind: Where did you come from?

Baby: That is a big question that I cannot answer. Some say I was a spiritual being that lived before birth. Others say my spirit-being developed in the womb. Still others say I was something else—like an animal—before I was born.

Parent: Yeah, that’s a subject that the world’s best and smartest philosophers have grappled with for millennia.

Baby: Regardless, I’m undergoing a remarkable transformation, both physically and cognitively. I am growing like crazy. I’m developing new abilities. Everything is so new—its overwhelming. Its also frustrating, yet in many ways its wonderful.

Parent: I know you have a budding sense of curiosity about the world. Tell me more.

Baby: OK. You asked about it. Your understanding of me will help our relationship. Here is my current list of curiosities:

• My Physical Milestones and Growth: Physically, I’m becoming stronger and more coordinated every day. I’m trying to hold my head up with more stability. I push up during tummy time, and even start to roll over from my tummy to my back.These physical developments are exciting milestones leading to further mobility and exploration. You might notice that my grasp on your fingers is firmer. This is a sign of my developing motor skills and hand-eye coordination.
• Sensory Exploration and Awareness: My vision is improving. I can see objects and people more clearly. I can even track moving objects with my eyes. Bright colors and interesting shapes captivate my attention. I am more responsive to sounds and I turn my head towards voices and other noises.This means I am becoming more engaged with my surroundings. I am interested in the simplest interactions around me, and I’m interested in watching what is happening or listening to a lullaby. The world is a sensory wonderland for me.
• Social Interaction and Communication: I am beginning to participate in my family environment. When my parents or others smile, I smile in response to their smile, I coo when talked to, and I may even attempt to mimic facial expressions.These early forms of communication are crucial because they are the foundation for my later language development. The joy of shared moments, like a playful exchange of smiles or my coos responding to gentle conversation, a giggle if tickled, etc. all these experiences strengthen my bond with my parents.
• Cognitive Development and Curiosity: I know that during these early months of life my brain is being stimulated by love from Mom, Dad, and close family and friends. Intense curiosity drives me to explore and learn. I am beginning to understand cause and effect.My crying catches mom’s attention. I’ll end this conversation by noting that this is a big and sometimes scary world. Everything around me is new and strange. I have a lot more adjusting to do.

Parent: Yes, you have a lot to learn, but so do mom and dad. I’m still trying to absorb and understand your brain development during these early months. In Month 3 of your life we were shown the following image of your brain development:

To summarize, during the early months of your baby’s life there is a lot more to parenting than holding, feeding, and changing diapers.

There are three important key parenting ingredients at this age: interaction, interaction, and more interaction. Ideas for interaction include rocking, dancing, humming/singing, book reading or listening to classical music. Video and TV have a limited role—but it is not extended baby tending. Take your baby for walks and strolling. Take her shopping with you. Have him participate in as many of your activities as possible. A note from Vibert: To summarize, be creative with your interaction. As babies, I used to read the Wall Street Journal to my children.

Caught up in the daily chores that come with a new baby? Overwhelmed with dirty diapers, hungry babies, and all that crying? Sometimes feeling confused and inadequate?

Don’t worry—it’s normal, it’s okay, and you are not alone! All new parents travel this path.  Some say these feelings of inadequacy can help you to feel empathy for the struggles your child goes through. Just think of all the feelings your baby has. Totally new surroundings, a new body, and all those strange people.

Amidst the stress and perplexities of a new baby joining your family, there will be times when  you will say to yourself: “Where’s the joy?”

The answer? It’s still there! It’s in that sweet grin that lights up your baby’s face when you come into the room. It’s those full-body wiggles when the baby hears your voice. And the exhilaration of those little giggles when you make funny sounds or faces at your baby. Then there is the reward of the peaceful cuddles you get while you gaze into your baby’s eyes.

The Bank of Life

Every diaper changed, every bout of crying soothed, every nursing session or bottle feeding, and every cuddle given is like putting a deposit in the Bank of Life.

Just like saving up financially for retirement, raising responsible children is an investment for future happiness and joy, as well as joy in the present.

Remember that being a mother is important and essential—without you, there would  be no baby. You’ve already made a huge deposit in your Bank of Life. Return on your  investment will include the wonder of your baby developing into a toddler (with all its  questions), then a Kindergartener, a child followed on by being a youth, a teenager, and  finally (hopefully) a responsible young woman or young man.

However, if you are struggling to find joy in motherhood, these tips may help: ⁽²⁾ 

• The things you do to show your child love, to help her learn and grow in a safe and  healthy environment, are what contribute to her becoming a responsible adult. As you rock your baby during those wee hours of the morning—daydream.When they finally fall asleep, look into that innocent, peaceful face—what will he  become? Will he like football or would he rather play the violin? Will she prefer soccer to dance lessons? Such daydreaming brings peace and fulfillment to the soul.
• Does motherhood make you feel amazing all day, every day? No! All moms get stressed,  frustrated, and tired. During these times, take a deep breath, see if you can do  something to help improve your mood (a nap is always a good option, especially for  sleep-deprived new moms), and try to look for the good.
• Savor the joyful moments—revel in that gummy smile, those chubby feet, that soft baby skin. Ponder what you love about being a mother.Enjoy the fun. Take the time to be silly with your baby. Make up stories about “Super  Mom” and tell them to your baby as you perform your different tasks. Sing and dance with your baby. Laughs are the best!

As babies and toddlers, the girls loved, loved to  dance with me. I would pick them up and hum a tune or turn the tape/CD player on to some ballroom dance music.

My daughters would snuggle up and hold tight with those beautiful little arms and hands and for a few minutes, we would do the fox trot or waltz together. They loved it when we twirled around. They especially liked it when I dipped them down and back up.

The boys loved to dance as babies—but they soon grew out of it. Dad and mom, dance with your baby. Here is some fox-trot music for you to dance to.

Look for joy and happiness in everyday moments. The book Joy in Motherhood: 30 Days to  Becoming a More Connected, Happy Mom, by Kirsten Reeder challenges readers to focus on one  simple thing with their child each day for 30 days to bring joy into their parenting. Reeder’s Day 1’s challenge is to snuggle your child for 15 extra minutes. Another day’s challenge is to celebrate the wonder of infancy or childhood.

The idea is to find the joy that comes from motherhood through small, daily actions. When you  feel joy, your baby will sense it and respond with her own joy. Deposit her joy in your Bank of Life. 

Footnote:

1. https://www.parenting.com/article/how-to-be-a-happier-mom
2. Ibid.