“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.” –quote frequently attributed to American abolitionist Frederick Douglass

Every parent wants the best for their child. Learning more about typical development can help make parenting less overwhelming as you gain the support and knowledge you need to confidently use good parenting practices.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’s Administration for Children and Families points out, “As a parent, you are the most important teacher in your child’s life. You also know your child best. Learning more about how children grow and develop is one way to build on what you already know and get new ideas about how to support your child’s learning and well-being.”(1)

So much learning and development occurs in the first few years of a child’s life. If parents learn all they can about how children grow and develop, they are better equipped to give their child the best start possible. For example, learning about child development helps you know why your infant might be crying, it helps you recognize normal developmental changes, and it helps you understand why your baby might react the way she does to the world around her.

Learning about child development can also seem overwhelming. A thick book may seem impossible to get through, especially in the early months when you are exhausted, busy, and caught up in the many daily tasks required to keep a baby happy and healthy.

Child development classes are great, but the information isn’t available at your fingertips when you are in the middle of a cluster feed, or trying to soothe a crying baby. That’s why KinderKronicle tailors the parenting information to the age of your child and brings you monthly articles to help you keep up on what to expect, right from the beginning.

Parenting really does make a difference

The National Academy of Medicine released the Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 Report. The report found that there are key ways for parents to help their children develop in a healthy way:

• Following the child’s lead and responding in a predictable way.
• Showing warmth and sensitivity.
• Having routines and household rules.
• Sharing books and talking with children.
• Supporting health and safety.
• Using appropriate discipline without harshness.2

When parents understand child development, and how to implement these practices in a healthy way, their children are more likely to be safe, healthy, and successful. This is because you have more realistic expectations of your child’s capabilities. You can better support your child’s learning and growth if you know when to be concerned and when not to worry.

KinderKronicle will discuss many of these key topics along the way. We recognize that learning all you can about child development, right from the beginning, can help you to support your child’s development through those crucial first few years when their growth in all areas is enormous.

“What a miracle of continuity each new baby brings into this world!…As we adjust to parenthood, we bring to the task so much that comes from the way our parents raised us and their parents raised them…Becoming a parent does bring new feelings, but in another sense, those feelings are as old as mankind.” —Fred Rogers, Many Ways to Say I Love You

As you prepare for the birth of your baby, it is natural to reflect on your own childhood and your relationship with your own parents. According to Ellen Galinsky, author of The Six Stages of Parenthood,

“Evaluating, identifying, and differentiating oneself from one’s parents is one of the tasks of preparing for parenthood, particularly first-time parenthood.”(1)

In other words, part of preparing for your new baby is taking a look at your relationship with your own parents and asking yourself questions such as,

• “Am I happy with my relationship with my parents?”
• “What was my relationship like with my parents when I was a child?”
• “How is my relationship with my parents now?”
• “How do I want our relationship to look going forward?”
• “How am I like my parents?”
• “How am I different from my parents?”

Along with evaluating and identifying your relationship with your parents, “prospective parents also differentiate themselves from their own parents. Differentiation may involve either thoughts or actions, actually taking a stand in opposition to one’s own parents.”(2)

If you are first baby parents and both of mom and dad’s parents are nearby, you may want to discuss how you will hanle the holidays, family events, and traditions. For example, for a holiday like Christmas, do you spend part of the holiday with each of your parents? Or do you trade-off spending with mom’s family one year and dad’s the next and so forth? How do your handle mom and dad traditions brought in from their respective families? Mom comes from a family that goes all-out with lavish gifts, while dad’s family believes in a modest holiday—or vice sensitive point is mom and dad coming from different faiths and churches? Hopefully the issue of religion was discussed prior to marriage. Even so, if mom and dad come from different faith backgrounds this is an issue often intensified by the presence of grandchildren. These are issues of the heart and should be handled carefully with love and patience.

This is when the mom and dad-to-be really need to communicate with each other—to decide where their boundaries are with their families, along with what they want to continue from their childhoods and what they want to do differently.

Remember that you can love and appreciate your parents, even when you might choose to do things differently. It is also helpful to remember that your plans can and will change as you adjust to family life, as you get to know your little one, and as you figure out the particular challenges you will face as parents and as a family.

When Mom and Dad are on the same page from the beginning, you have a head start on learning how to work together to adjust your expectations and your choices to best fit your family.

While all parents hope for an uneventful, full term pregnancy and a smooth delivery, it doesn’t always go that way. With many traumatic deliveries–whether the baby is premature, or is fullterm but gets stuck, or any number of issues–it can be hard to feel an instant connection to your baby. It doesn’t mean you hate your baby, or that you won’t ever feel deep love for your child. What it means is that trauma can override an “instant connection,” because you are dealing with physical pain, emotional upset, and a flood of other sensations.

If this happens, know that you aren’t alone, and you aren’t a terrible person. You and your baby just need a bit of time to get to know each other. Cuddling with your baby can help, talking to your baby can help, and having a supportive partner is a huge help.

If you are still struggling to form a connection with your baby after a week or two, please don’t hesitate to contact your doctor. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real. So many hormones ebb and flow during pregnancy and after birth that it is easy for your brain chemistry to go a little wonky.

If you need it, please ask for help.

You’ve reached the third trimester of pregnancy, so the birth of your new baby is getting close! If you haven’t already, now is a great time to start actively preparing your older child or children for the birth of their new sibling.

Mayo Clinic offers several suggestions to help prepare your older child or children:

• Talk to your child/children about the new baby. Talk about their development (in age-appropriate words).
• Have your child participate in getting things ready for the baby–maybe have them pick out an outfit or a toy for the new baby.
• Read books about babies and about siblings.
• Let your child know that, for the first while, the baby won’t be ready to play–that babies spend a lot of time eating, sleeping, and crying at first–but that they start to get bigger and can play more in a few months.(1)

Preparing your older child or children can help them to adjust to the new family dynamic better. An approach used by some parents with an existing  young child is to have them play with a doll pretending that they are the mother to the doll. The main thing to remember is that your older child(ren) need(s) to feel loved and valued, even after the baby comes. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be any jealousy or confusion, but preparing them will help them feel more “in the know” and a part of what is going on.